And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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