he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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