I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
