it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
