Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
