it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
