Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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