I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
