just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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