god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
