you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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