Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
