I just saw a hot homeless man
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All the doctor said was why
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
