i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
