hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
