now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
