Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
