Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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