xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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