Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
