what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
