tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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