What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
