check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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