God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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