I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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