Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
