I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
