I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
