Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
