Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
