Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
