Got a toothbrush?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
