my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
