yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
