i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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