I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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