Yo dont text me then not text me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
