it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
