So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
