Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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