one word: firstdatebathroomanal
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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