So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
