Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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