So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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