My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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