If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
