good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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