12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
