R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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