yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
