Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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