Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
