i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
