I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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