Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
