The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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