Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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